I started to write this in the comments section of this post. But I wanted to make sure that those who posted comments knew that I truly am grateful for what they wrote.
First of all, I just want to say that I read, word for word, what everyone has written and I truly appreciate your comments. I know that what you all wrote took lots of time and research (as many people quoted books and websites and the bible)- so thank you!
There is a lot to take in and I will try to find time to re-read everyone's comments.
Having said that...
Sometimes, I feel that the simplicity of the Christian faith is a relief. I mean, who wants a works-based salvation? But other times, I feel like it's too simple and I get overwhelmed- feeling like there is still something I need to do- nothing else in life is free. I have been reading a little booklet (Case for Faith) that a dear friend of mine gave to me, and the more I read it, the more conflicting thoughts I have. On one hand, the defenses and reasonings it offers make total sense. But on the other hand, the author does a good job of explaining the "objections" that this book is trying to defend and I find it hard to not ponder the same objections.
Mom, in your comment on the last post you said, "I feel His guidance and His presence and I just KNOW that my soul will continue to love God and to live long after this earthly body of mine has ceased to exist." I have never felt that. This is just me being honest. I am not trying to stir anything up or make anyone freak out. Nor am I trying to say things to cause anyone to stumble or question their own faith.
I know that belief in God, the Bible, and the things I have grown up learning all require faith, but I feel like I need facts, too. Just like Lori's objection, I also wonder how Christians, Muslims, Mormons, etc can all be so certain they are correct when they certainly cannot all be correct.
Just to clarify, I am not turning my back on my upbringing, God, or anything (although I suppose some might wish to debate that). I just feel like I am in a place where I really need to get answers. And I think these questions are totally legitimate because I really want to find the answers. But for now, God feels intangible.
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18 comments:
Hey, Jess, I only have a few minutes (between shower and getting kids dressed) :-0
There is nothing wrong in questioning your faith. It is a sign of strength, not weakenss.
For example, the Amish, when the kids come of age, they go on a journey called, "Rumspringa". It is a time to "run around" ...go explore the world. When they come back, they have to decide if they want to remain in the Amish society, or leave. (can't come back if they leave! :-0)
Anyway, not a great example, but it does show that by allowing someone to "run around;explore" they are better able to commit.
Well, gotta go...kids need mothering! I will write more later. I guess I just want to say don't feel bad for questioning.
-A. Lori
I wrote that I "like" this because of a few things...
First, that I can see your point of view. There are many objections that have come up in my mind, where I say - but what about...? There are times when I feel the same way about mercy and grace vs. justice, accepting the gift vs. working for salvation.
I also clicked I liked it because you are being honest that you're having questions. And I think that is ok... And you're right, it might scare some people, but what I believe is just like what my mom said to me two years ago before I went through a whirlwind of changes, doubts, confusion, and disbelief - God is in control, He knows me and knows where I am (think Psalm 139; He knows us when we sit, and when we rise - He knew us in our mother's womb!) and no matter what, when it comes down to it, God can find me.
The truth is, with all of the questions, doubts, and hypocrisy I've seen, I've come to one conclusion - there is no perfect church. There is no one sect of Christianity that has every doctrine, every belief correct. There is only one truth, and that is God. That is Christ.
I would suggest that as you have questions, don't only read books written by outside sources. I know that sounds like turning a blind eye, but I would just say that because oftentimes, people's own disbelief and doubts can be transferred into ours, and we can allow ourselves to be led astray. I'm not saying to never read anything else, because I know there are a lot of good books on Christianity and faith out there, but singularly turn to the Bible and I know that your questions will be answered.
And above all, whether you are ready to make a decision or commitment now, pray. God wants to hear from you, and even if you aren't ready to commit to a belief system or to how you want to live (not saying you're doing anything bad or anything haha just that if you're not sure about something yet) He is there and waiting. He will answer your questions in His timing. Speaking from experience - God never leaves us. He is ALWAYS there when we need to talk, or to cry, or to be angry.
I don't know if any of that helps or makes sense, but if you want to talk more, you know where to find me :)
Also, sorry I didn't respond to the other post. I am honestly also weak right now, and am living solely on faith, rather than facts or outside sources.
I don't doubt your beliefs at all. We all have questions and want answers I think, at least at one time or another.
The verse that keeps coming to my mind is,
Hebrews 4:12, "For the word of God is full of living power. It is sharper than the sharpest knife, cutting deep into our innermost thoughts and desires. It exposes us for what we really are."
I can't direct you to any books I guess but I do believe the Bible is alive in that you can read something over and over again and get something different out of it each time. Sometimes I feel like I don't really learn anything new so to speak and then there are times when I read a verse and I think wow, I have read that a million times and never took that from it and it's then that I can sense that God gave me that revelation for that specific time.
My encouragement is to continue seeking and asking these questions and looking for answers. That right there is proof of the Holy Spirit's work in you!
Also, you might look at Bethel, Crown or Northwestern colleges because I think it might be easy to talk to a professor that has a lot of knowledge of the kind of facts that you're looking for.
When I started reading "The Case For Christ" I was amazed at all of the facts in history that back up the accuracy of the resurrection and Jesus' life here on earth. I hadn't ever known there was so much and I had always based my belief on faith instead of fact but it's really been a blessing to have faith and fact!
I know that God does not shrink back from questions and concerns. God's Word says that if we seek Him, we will be found by Him. I encourage you to be in His Word. For the very worst it could do is teach a person excellent values. Like Nicole says, it is full of living power. I encourage you to tell the Lord all that is in your heart & mind and to be in His Word every day...whether you want to be or not. For if He is not real, it won't matter BUT if He is!! What He can do with a man's heart is amazing...I am living proof of this along with millions of other people thruout history. You cannot explain away a personal conversion. A man with much sin and guilt but by the redeeming love and sacrifice of Christ my sins are washed clean and I have done nothing to accomplish this...show me a similar religion. CHRIST is the answer! Amazing love!I have a few more suggestions for you: Chip Ingram, excellent speaker, suggested a book in a sermon to know that you know that you know what you believe is truth. It is a trilogy by Francis Schaeffer. The books are: The God Who is There, Escape From Reason & He is There and He is not Silent. Also, here is one more site I found.
http://www.truthnet.org/dreamsandvisions/
The very first video of Kahlil is the only one I've watched so far but it was amazing to me. I have heard amazing stories like this one and there are soo many others where Muslims are having visions where Christ has come to them and they convert to Christianity! Isn't this amazing! Our God is Alive! Search for Him for HE IS WORTH IT!!! I know I am being quite passionate but He is worth this as well. He has changed me in a way I never knew possible. I hope my life will be living proof of who He is...a sinner saved by grace. Who would have thought of such crazy doctrine. I love you.
One more site I just found...I'm curious of the Muslim visions and have been googling on it. Here is a cool link.
http://www.jesusvisions.org/index.shtml
Hey Jess,
Here is an interesting site. Lots of stuff to explore.
Good luck on your journey.
Love,
A. Lori
http://www.beliefnet.com/
Jess I don't think it's wrong to question or to seek out answers..I believe once we stop seeking we become lazy and life's somewhat bland and tiresome. Currently I'm rading a book called rekindling your spirit- "a spiritual journey"--I'll let you know how it is--perhaps it would be another resource--although I do have this daily habit of looking up a certain word (int he back of my bible)that sums up my feelings for the day and reading the passages for it---this "habit" eases my spirit at times and makes it race others--keeps me kind of on my toes :) hope you discover what you're seeking :)
I think Jess is not looking for someone to instill doubt in her, how about trying to give answers. There is a huge difference in saying that there is different interpretations and giving your own reasons for not believing and helping someone find what they are looking for.
One side of the coin says that there are so many religions that how can we know that ours is right. Man can and has interpreted the Bible and other religious books so many different ways it is impossible to assume that one is right and not made up in the minds of humans. My answer would be motives. Personally if i was going to invent a religion it would be a feel good, as long as I'm a reasonably good person i can live any way that I want to type. No moral absolutes, no consequences for my actions and one that says no matter what I am accepted. It would be based on my life experiences. Why would someone come up with the idea that there is a God who governs morals? Someone that I'm accountable to for my actions, thoughts and life. Humans don't want rules. They don't want responsibility. They don't want to acknowledge sin. I'll be the first to tell you that Christianity has been interpreted in many ways and has been watered down, but those who study the Bible without an agenda (seeker friendly, universal salvation) all agree on the doctrine of salvation. We all have sinned, God is unfathomably perfect and we need salvation through Christ alone. Why would someone make that up? There is nothing to gain from inventing that. All other religions are ME based, what I have to do to get something!
Mormons: Do good = get reward
Buddhist: Live good = get reward
Islam: Live good, obey rules = get reward
Atheist: No moral truths = No consequence
JW: Do good = get reward
God is love (no official name): Live how I want = God will forgive and love me in then end
CHRISTIAN: Acknowledge I'm a sinner, know that that sin does deserve eternal separation from a holy God, know that I can't do anything to earn God's favor, accept that Christ died for me to become the penalty for MY sin = Being with God and serving Him, for all eternity.
Who would have invented such a religion that required one to acknowledge shortcomings and failures?
Jess, I may not have cold hard, scientific proof that you are looking for, but I do know what and why I believe. Beware of those with nothing to offer accept doubt, someone who doesn't believe anything but gives you a hundred reasons to make you doubt what you do believe. I have no agenda to push. Maybe part of the reason you are at the place you are is because it was never your own.
Its obvious that you have some searching to and some decisions to make. You are my sister and I'll love you through it all!!!
- John
John, it appears you are referring to me in your last comment.
I am not trying to fill Jessica's head with doubts. But obviously she is discovering some things on her own, and instead of making her feel like she hasn't opened herself up to God properly, according to the fundementalists way, I am merely pointing out some things that may justify her feelings. I do have a little, no A LOT of experience with searching and finding out that fundamentalist Christianity is, well, not *it* for me.
I don't think you give her enough credit to listen to all points of view and come to her own conclusion. I sent her to a website called beliefnet that talks about all different religions, issues, etc. I don't know the site extensively, but I trust she can find her way around to search and learn. If she finds it to "left-leaning" or "watered down", I trust that she will exit the site. Jessica is an intelligent, well-grounded, insightful, God-loving woman who will come to the right decision for herself no matter what direction she is pulled.
I don't want her to have "doubt", but since she asked, I am giving my input to how I see ORGANIZED religion or doctrine. That does not mean I don't believe in God or a higher power.
John, I have no agenda to push either. This is no different than if she and I were sitting down over coffee and we were talking about our points of view. I know that in the end Jessica will do what is right for her and I have no fear in any decision she makes. She will always be an important person in my life. I only wish her the best.
A. Lori
PS Jessica I am sorry I am referring to you in the third person on your blog!
"I am merely pointing out some things that may justify her feelings." I'm pretty sure I said that that is where all other religions come from. So like I said earlier, the "It will all work out in the end, you can't know what truth is, but hey, it'll all work out" is the biggest cop-out to JUSTIFY lifestyles (drinking, sex, etc...) we know violate God's standard. If someone believes in a higher power but says its not the one taught by this ORGANIZATION or that one, isn't that just as man made as the ones you found are not "it" for you? Picking and choosing the characteristics of god to fit my life is bogus. So, didn't you just create the god? And please, after making comments about how many religions there are and how all of them are man made and all are sure that they are the right one, you sending her to a multi-religious site is nothing but pushing that same angle. She DID NOT ask for people to introduce her to other religions blindly, she asked for proof of her own or of yours. The proof I and others have given her are not the proof she is looking for, but she knew that she wouldn't get it either. But the stuff you are pushing has much much less "proof". It is COMPLETELY man made and conveniently offers no accountability. I know my sister is smart and she will find her way in all aspects of life.
"I waited patiently for the LORD; and He inclined to me and heard my cry. He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay, and He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God; many will see and fear and will trust in the LORD." Psalm 40:1-3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6MU1StdgZI
I ran across this video today and thought it was kind of cool. i downloaded the song on itunes.
John,
When I say it will "all work out in the end", you presume it as justification for a free pass of sorts. I do not mean it in that context. I mean it in the context of opening her heart up and searching earnestly for the truth.
I do not "pick and choose". I surrender to the the fact that I do not have all the answers, and I will NOT follow a religion that I think is founded on false-hoods. I have come to this conclusion after years of reading the bible/searching and yes, praying/crying and opening up my soul to God. For you to suggest my choice was self-centered and convenient is false.
John, I am not trying to lead Jessica astray. Why is your tone so angry? Is exposing her to other ideas or other angles of spirituality so horrific?
She is asking for proof about one's religion. Clearly something isn't working for her right now. I don't have the answers, but by sending her to a website that MIGHT help her address some of the issues bothering her is my way of giving advice just as you may tell her to pray more and read the bible. I do NOT understand why you are so angry.
Like I said, it is conversational. But, if it is going to cause so much anger, I will leave this comment as my last.
...which probably means to you that the devil has been removed from inputting things to cause her to stray (be exposed to other ideas).
-Lori
Trust me, its not anger, its passion.
founded on falsehoods???
Comes across as anger.
Falsehoods in my opinion.
Remember? Our premises are not the same so it is possible to arrive at different opinions.
I might be best to assume that you each have the best intentions (because I know you do). That way no one feels on the defense. It's always best to assume the "best" not the worst. And believe each other when you each say that you are just passionate, not trying to lead anyone astray, not angry, etc.
Both of you have extreme convictions about life; convictions you define your life by... so naturally you feel extreme passion about those convictions. And it's easy to take discussions as personal attacks. Please just try to keep this friendly. =) I love you both and dont want this discussion and struggle of mine to cause division.
Love you both! =) jess
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