What do you think about moms in the workforce versus stay-at-home moms? And naturally this question also has to address kids in daycare if mom (and dad) is working.
Do you think one or the other is "right" or "wrong?" Is it a personal choice? Situational?
I will post my thoughts after the discussion has started and is well under way!
Have fun =)
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9 comments:
i have a LOT to say about this, but will keep it to a minimum. :-)
a few years ago when samantha was 2 or 3 (before we had ryan), ben had a really bad year and a half work wise. we basically lived off our tax return, credit cards, and what little work he did have.
without his knowing, i would search for jobs for me that would work with our schedule and be more than a min. wage job. i called around to daycares to see how much childcare would be. and i crunched all the numbers to see if it would really be worth it.
there were SO many times that i would bawl because working outside the home was not my heart's desire and i'd pray that God would let me stay home, although i would work if that was His will too.
in spite of all the hardships for that 18+ months, i never did have to go get a job, praise GOD! i believe that He truely blesses the desire for women (or men. i know there are plenty of stay at home dads) to stay at home and raise their children. and although the Bible isn't really clear on that subject, i do think that God intended for children to be raised by a parent at home, and not at a daycare. i've seen the reprocussions of that in my own family.
and as far as what the Bible says about this topic, well you can just google that! there are several verses that could support either scenario (proverbs 31, 1 tim 5, titus 2...)
and no, i don't think it's bad to work outside the home, or that it's wrong. although i don't get the moms who have kids and then want to work because they can't stand being at home with their children!! and i think each situation is different. i have lots of girlfriends who HAVE to work for a lot of different reasons. and there might come a day when i have to work outside the home, and i believe that God will still bless me.
good topic jess. so much for my minimal answer!
i look forward to reading what other people have to say.
I don't believe it's wrong to work outside the home but for me I believe I am called to stay at home.
I guess I would say I don't really agree with working outside the home to support your shopping habits or something like that but if you have to work to make ends meet that's different. I do think it's worth looking at your finances though and cutting out things that aren't necessary to be able to stay at home.
I also don't think it's fair to little kids to work full time and put them in full time daycare, again unless absolutely necessary. There's a huge difference in my opinion between working part time and working full time.
I agree with Erin in that I also believe God intended for children to be raised by their parents for at least a large portion of the day. Of course then this could become a debate about public school vs. homeschooling because once your kids are in school you aren't with them for a huge part of the day. (One of my issues with putting Kylie in public school this fall although I plan on it it anyway. Figure that out, lol!)
Anyway, this is just my opinion! :)
Good blog question jess. I think moms that work outside the home are great and so are the moms that don't work out of the home.
I believe it is each person or family's choice if mom and/or dad will work outside the home and is their right to choose that.
I enjoy being a 'work outside of the home' mom. Don't get me wrong, I would LOVE to be with my daughter 24/7 but know that is not healthy or fair for either her or myself.
She does attend daycare 3-4 days/wk. The days she is not at daycare she is w/ my husband who is home, as he works shift work, or sometimes grandma wants some time with her. So this mix of home and daycare environments have been amazing for her. At daycare she knows over 20 words of sign language, knows the alphabet, knows almost all her colors, can count to about 15, can say countless words and phrases in full sentences, etc.. and she just turned 2. I know this is something the could have been done if I was home with her 100% of the time, but I really think her being at daycare has been so beneficial. At daycare, she is with children her same age and it teaches them to share, use good manners, how to 'be nice', but also how to interact if someone is not doing something nice, taking a toy,etc. And really, these things she may not have learned at home necessarily at the same level as we are not sure if we will have another child or not so othe than possibly playing with neighbor kids, there are no kids here age in our house.
Another thing is the debate on getting a lot of germs, etc.. at daycare vs. not getting them at home. Well unless you plan to home school your children, they will either be exposed to these germs at daycare now or when they start attending school. My daughter is getting exposes to them now, so although we have an occasional day every few months where she needs to stay home, it will likely beat the numerous days she will miss once she starts going to school at age 5.
I do not work outside to the home to support any type of financial habit of mine or my husband's. Our jobs help us to live our lives and be able to enjoy each other to the fullest. We are able to buy things we want if we want them, go to parks, water parks, trips, zoos, which to me are all things you can enjoy and use as educational experiences also with your children. We are also able to enjoy having pets which help to work on other skills with our daughter.
Honestly, to me, the biggest benefit of daycare is that our daughter is getting to be with children her own age, is developing skills, tools, interactions, etc.. to become who she is now and who she will become one day. In life, communication and socializing are a huge part of our society, who we are, etc.. and it is not going away. so I believe she is benefitting from learning these things now.
I plan to be a stay-at-home mom. Coming from a family ripped by divorce and having to go to after-school day care as early (maybe earlier) as kindergarten, I really appreciated when my stepdad made it possible for my mom to be at home with me. Being able to come home to a mom is something that I am really thankful for.
I definitely don't think that being a working mom is a bad thing. Some people have to work. When your kids are older and working themselves, or able to take care of themselves at home, I don't see the problem either in working. (Although I personally don't want my kids coming home to an empty house for a few hours at a time, I think that begs immorality.)
I can also see the merit in what anonymous said about the mixture. I can see how kids can be benefited by some daycare, although I still don't plan on doing that -- and not because I am afraid of them getting germs :) I just think that it would be fun to teach them myself, and have kids of my friends over for playtime and socializing.
Also, I have heard that with the current price of daycare, MOST women don't make enough money to even make that much of a profit after paying for daycare. To me, that wouldn't be worth it. Like I said, if your income is needed for the family that's one thing, but if it's hardly making a difference and you're working just because you're bored being at home, I think that is wrong, personally. I don't think that work should ever be MORE important or MORE interesting than your children.
I feel like my thoughts are jumbled up on here, but hopefully that made enough sense to follow.
I don't have kids so this is me speaking purely on my own desire, thoughts and what I want for any future children I might have.
I want to be a working mother. Money is not a factor in this decision. Want to nix that assumption first.
I want my kids to be in daycare/preschool or whatever you want to call it. Even if I end up being a stay-at-home mom, I will still put my kids in some sort of preschool. My reason is two-fold.
First, like "anonymous" I want my kids to have the socialization that can really only be derived from that setting (and I think this carrys over into public school vs. Home school). There is socialization that kids can only get by being exposed to lots of kids for many hours of the week. They learn to share, they learn how to interract with other kids, sometimes when they don't like the other kids. They develop friendships. And they start to become exposed to more than just the worldview that they are taught at home. before anyone freaks out, I am not saying that I would want my kids to believe anything they want - I think it's important to instill certain values into your kids. I am saying that it's good to have first hand exposure to what's out there so that kids can learn for themselves why their parents ideas and values are important. They can also begin to learn how to deal with and address situations rather than just hear about them.
Preschools also have access to resources and activities that, unless you are rich, you can't afford. I am not talking about a few color books and a playground. I am talking the plethora of things that kids get to do and play and create that mom's just don't have time to do with their kids.
My second reason is that I will always desire adult interaction and conversations outside the home. Not that this will be more important or anything; if I have kids, they will take first place in my life. But I truly enjoy work, the friendship built in that environment, and having an additional purpose. I think it's good to have a little bit of time away from family. No offense mom, but I would have gone nuts if we spent 24/7 together (and you would have too). This would also help me really appreciate the time I did have with my kids. I have seen many parents take for granted the fact that they spend 24/7 w/their kids... they don't sit down and play with them as much as they should, they value "chores" more than hanging out w/kids, etc. It's like they might as well have a job for as much one on one time they actually spend w/their kids.
Other reasons, that are not major reasons for me, but definitely considerations are staying in the work force (right now it's barely enough to have a 4 year college degree... what will it be like in 18 years once I've raised a child and want a job again?), I won't be tempted to waste any free time I have in my days at home (because I would), my kids will get to learn from people other than me and then we can talk about those things and process what they are learning as a family, my kids will build a stronger immune system being exposed to more germs.
Anyway, I also want to say that I think it's a personal decision.
Some have mentioned, and not just on this blog but also in convos I have had over the years, that it's best for mom (or dad) to stay home unless they need the money. I don't think money is relevant. At what dollar amount does it go from okay to not okay for mom to stay home? What if I want to live at a more comfortable means? There is nothing wrong with wanting to work so that I can have more money to bring my kids on vacation, be able to take them to the zoo or other activities that cost money or becuase I'd rather drive a newer SUV instead of an old minivan.
I think that parents can find a daycare that they like and the kids like if they put the time into researching it.
But again, if a mom chooses to stay home, I think that is fine, too. Whatever works for her and her family.
I, however, want to work.
Very interesting conversation! As a mom who works outside the home four days a week, I enjoy the discussion about what people think is best for their children.
My two girls are in daycare four days a week and have without a doubt benefited from that. My oldest learns things that I would never think to teach her and they challenge in her in ways that I am not sure I would. My daughters enjoy being there and have developed relationships without me, which I think is important since we all know that kids act differently when their parents are around. Although she has heard or seen things that are not in agreement with the values we hold for our children, it has given us the opportunity to explain to her what our values and beliefs are. It has also given us the opportunity to explain that people are different and although we may not agree with everyone, we do not dislike people or treat them poorly because of that.
Even if I were a stay at home mom, I would keep my kids in preschool or daycare for part of the time for these and many other reasons. I also agree with what someone else mentioned here; because I am not at home with them all the time, the time that we do have together is extra special.
Jess, I also wanted to add to your comment about the cost of child care. I work right now because it is necessary to pay our mortgage. However, as you pointed out, if we sold our house and rented a tiny apartment and sold our car and bought an old van, then maybe I would be able to stay at home. That to me would not be a beneficial trade off. I enjoy being able to give my children a quality of life, exposures, and experiences (including gymnastics class, dance class, trips to museums, etc) that would be lost in the other scenario. I would also be fearful of losing some of the financial security in owning a home that we will need when our children are older. And of course, Jess, I agree that losing time in the work force is a consideration for me, particularly since I work in the health care field and things change so quickly.
My chidren are BY FAR the greatest and most important piece of my life. They are the biggest consideration in all of my decisions. At this point, I think that we are making decisions that are best for our family. I agree with everyone that this doesn't mean it's right for every family though!
Jana
Thanks everyone for your thoughts! It's always interesting to see how people view this issue and the values people have!
It's great to be able to have a mature discussion about this because I've seen so many that end up in people getting offended, hurt, whatever.
I think the most important thing to realize is that just because someone has a different opinion doesn't necessarily mean they're condemning you for yours. Sure there are people that do condemn but I think the majority of people realize that there isn't really a right or wrong answer and the answer is different for everyone.
It might be hard to understand someone else's decision if you look at things from such a different angle than they do but as mothers as long as we're doing what we feel is best for our children that's what is important. And for me as a Christian a huge part of that is being in prayer about what I feel like God is calling me to and that is so different for everyone I think. Some feel like they should stay home, others feel like they should work.
As long as our intentions are good(like Erin mentioned, not liking your kids isn't probably the healthiest reason for wanting to work outside the home ;)) we'll feel blessed!
BTW Jess, "you" doesn't mean YOU. :) Just the general you. Wanted to clarify that. LOL
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