The Rum, the Fork, and the Sea Snail

Well, I just got back from the Virgin Islands; St. John to be exact. My parents are still there for a few more days. I went down to join them for a long weekend with a good friend of mine from Bible College, Sarah.

I am sure at some point, I will post pics of my trip, but for those of you who have seen all the hoopla on facebook about the sea snail, I figured I would start with that story!

Please note: This story is amazingly funny but may not be as funny to those of you who were not there. If I were an advanced creative writer, I might be able to make this story sound just as humorous as it truly was, but nonetheless, I am a novice writer.

We were at the beach on a beautiful Friday afternoon... ok, I am not going to write the whole story like that... but really, we were at the beach. Sarah and I were catching some rays and my mom was on the shore searching for shells (she loves shells... that will be hugely important to know for this story). My dad was snorkeling in the ocean, scoping it out before Sarah and I joined him shortly.

Here is a picture of where we were snorkeling...

we went all the way around the rocks you see there

As Sarah and I were floating in the shallow water, gearing up to join my dad (we were literally gearing up; had to get our snorkels, mask, and fins on) when my dad came swimming up to join us. In hand was this beautiful shell. It was pretty large; about the size of a large, Cantelope melon. Inside this beautiful shell, was an unsuspecting sea snail (at the time we thought it was a conch). A sea snail who, little did he know, was getting the last few moments of sea water that he would ever get.

Knowing my mom's absolute love for sea shells, my dad was very eager to show her this amazing find. It was truly a proud moment for any loving and adoring husband. Sarah and I stood by with tears as my dad, in all his excitment, showed the love of his life the most beautiful shell she had ever seen. And our hearts were saddened as he explained to her that she could not keep the shell as it was the home to a sea creature; a sea creature who needed this little home to survive.

My mom's reaction? you might wonder... "Can't we kill just one?"

Hmm...

I can't exactly remember my dad's response at that point. By this time, Sarah and I were ready to snorkel so my dad swam back out to where we were waiting for him and off we went; snorkeling the great underworld of the sea. As we approached the beach at the end of our mini-snorkel excursion, we saw my mom sitting on the beach, next to the sea snail, attempting to coax it out; as if smooth talking and bribery was going to displace this poor, helpless creature!

As she has done many times in her life, and as she will continue to do throughout the years to come, my mom convinced my dad to see things from her perspective. And off we went, on our merry way around the island, with a sea creature tagging along in the back seat of our rented jeep.

Here is a picture of my dad, checking out the "situation" of how difficult it

might be to remove the sea creature from the shell.

Once we got back to our villa, we were still uncertain as to how we were going to get the sea creature to move out of it's home. My parents certainly wouldn't be able to just pack the shell with it's inhabitant as the stench would certainly make Customs an unforgettable experience, not to mention the lingering smell on all their luggage contents! The redeeming factor was that there was still 1 week before my parents were to leave the island. The question remained: was this enough time to figure out how to lure a sea snail from it's home?

From the picture below, you can see that the sea snail ventured out of it's shell; maybe to take a look at it's new surroundings? maybe to try to find it's way to salt water? or maybe because it was dying? We may never know.

But what we DO know, is that we failed to seize this moment. The moment the sea snail made himself available to be kindly removed from it's home and disposed of in a quiet, humane manner. After waiting it out one more night, it is with great displeasure that I inform you that the sea snail retreated back into his home; all the way back into his home. And now, we had just 5 days to figure out how to empty out this beautiful shell (which, by the way, is way more beautiful in person).



At this point, we were desperate.

And we were left with nothing but the three things: a relentless desire to bring this shell home, a bottle of rum, and a fork.

So we went to work, beginning with step one: Fill the shell with rum and prop it up so that the sea snail would drown in it's new marinade.

After we were certain the snail was either dead or so intoxicated it could not flex the one muscle that it was comprised of, we grabbed the fork. That is when it got ugly.

Impaling the sea snail one careful stab wound at a time, it began to make it's way out of the shell, slowly and surely. Taking turns, my dad and I began to make significant progress.

We had no way of knowing the obstacle that we were about to face next. If any of you have ever marinated "meat" you know that after time, it shreds quite well and our little sea snail friend was no exception; he began to shred. With each and every fork stab, there was less and less of Mr. Snaily attached to the part of him that was still curled up inside it's home. After a valiant effort to keep Snaily in one piece, his once perfect little "body" was now two, imperfect halves. And one of those halves was stuck deep inside the shell.

How does this story end? I am sad to say that it certainly doesn't end with "Happily Ever After" - clearly not for the sea snail and neither for my mom. You see, the shell cannot be brought home so long as it still has sea snail remains inside of it. My dad's solution? Bury it in the woods and next year, when the last bit of sea snail has been eaten away by Virgin Island critters, collect the shell and bring it home to display.

If you can stomach it, below is a video of my dad trying to "fork" the sea snail out of it's shell.

**Please note: I fully supported my mom's desire to keep the shell and bring the sea creature's life to an expiration. If that does not sit right with you, please, with all due respect, keep those comments to yourself (or PETA).