Thursday, September 23, 2010

Unfriended

It's been an interesting year regarding friends. (don't worry, I won't be talking about anyone who reads this blog - or if they do read this blog, they are stalking me, which is creepy)

Unfriended. That word has become a household word thanks to Facebook. This year, I've been unfriended, both on facebook and in the real world (and technically the facebook unfriending manifests itself in the real world too).

What I find to be sad, but amusing is that a few of these unfriendings are not the first time it's happened. Two words: Junior High. I hated Jr. High. And basically all my secondary education from there on out. The worst part for me was not having to get out of bed (although I did hate that), it wasn't the homework, teachers or having to ride the bus occasionally -very occasionally! Thanks mom :) School sucked because of the drama that ensues between kids.

I'd have friends who I thought were good friends. We'd hang out at school all day, talk on the phone all night, and then, the next day, I'd go to school and said friends would want nothing to do with me. I'd be treated as though I was a vile, infectious disease that was to be avoided at all costs. And it sucked. I hated going to school not knowing if I would have friends that day.

We grew up and I stayed in touch with those "friends" and things were fine. But it's amazing how something like those few years of Jr. High can have a huge impact on my life. I always felt ugly and undesireable because I was literally told those things. I have always been really insecure in friendships, afraid that I might do or say something that will make people stop liking me because in Jr. High, that was my reality. I've gotten a lot better about feeling that insecure; I try to be confident in who I am and realize that my personality was not a mistake.

But I found it to be kind of ironic that I have, once again, been unfriended. by the same people Now, I don't mind being unfriended in theory. I have unfriended people on facebook that I don't talk to ever, that I hardly know, or people who simply wouldn't notice I was no longer one of their 538 friends. But if I have offended someone, someone who is a real friend, I'd rather know and be given a chance to make it right (or at least given an explanation) rather than randomly discover that I have been nixed. I guess some people are good at unfriending... either that or I am good at losing friends? Maybe I really am doing something so annoying or horrible that someone would like me one day and not the next?

Not all of the people who've unfriended me in real life are facebook friends. I was recently unfriended by someone at work because (after 3 months of being ignored and I finally asked what was up and I found out that...) they held me to a high standard and apparently they thought I was only dating Karl because he's cute. Seriously? you might ask... Seriously. Now don't get me wrong, Karl is cute and I think physical attraction is super important. But if I was only in a relationship for "cute" then I wouldn't have waited so long to seriously date someone. I mean, is the world really full of people who are so shallow that they just unfriend people without even giving the person an opportunity to make things right or clear up whatever misunderstanding has taken place?

If someone says something super offensive and it seems out of nowhere, out of character, or extremely personal (but how would they know that about me???) then man up and talk to the person. Chances are there is a good explanation for what was said or what happened.

I've come to realize a few things through all these unfriendings. First, if someone is that shallow, I don't want them as a friend anyway. Second, I've learned what it means to be a real friend thus, I recognize those friends in my own life. Third, some friendships are only for a season and while it's a shame they have to end the way they do, there is no point in trying to force a friendship beyond it's purposed time.

Now, I am not claiming to be a perfect friend. I've definitely been that "bad friend" but situations like this have really made think about how I can be a better friend to those I love. It has also made me realize that we each have different ideas of what it is that others do that show they are a true friend. For me, it's listening during tough times, reaching out to me if I'm not myself (rather than "giving me space"), and weirdly, coming to watch me play hockey. For some reason, that is super high on my list. haha

I'm thankful for all my friends, both in "real life" and those I mostly keep in touch with in cyber world...

6 comments:

PG&E said...

Several things:

First - I seem to always be the first person recently to comment on your blogs. I guess it has something to do with the fact that when you're annoyed enough/thinking enough to write a blog, you usually call me and we talk about how you wrote one?! haha :)

Second - Whoever said you are unattractive and undesirable obviously was blind, deaf, and couldn't understand basic dictionary definitions.

Third - So that's what happened with the girl at your office? Maybe you told me but I forgot ... That is really lame. She must be secretly jealous of you or something to accuse you of something so shallow.

Fourth - Random interjection. I am so jealous you get to watch Grey's tonight. I have to wait until tomorrow. Boooooo.

Fifth - I'm really sorry I can't make it to your hockey games:( I guess you can unfriend me now.. No but seriously, I really want to someday and if I lived in MN I'd be there all the time.

<3 you!

Jess(ica) said...

First, yeah, I typically do tell you about my frustrations or whatever I am thinking about so that definitely explains why you are first to comment usually! haha

Second, true story. Remind me to tell you the rest of the story (Paul Harvey style) sometime. It involved your brother.

Third, yep, another true story. I was shocked and super amused all at the same time!

Fourth, I am going to tell you everything that happens in Greys before you can watch it! muahahaha

Fourth part II: just kidding

Fifth, It's okay. You have a great excuse... you live 6 states away! =) I know you'd come to one if it was remotely possible!

=)

inked33 said...

i think you are beautiful both inside and out. i love you like a sister... but .... i've never been to a hockey game. :/ hmmmm, does this somehow balance out?

Meow said...

Wow ~ had no idea that you've been through all that in your life. You are a super person and I can't understand how anyone could treat you like that. But I've witnessed it (the obviously jealous person in the office) and just don't understand it at all. But in that case, you have to consider the source. But I am so glad that you have come through all that and are able to shine!! If the saying "Success is the best form of revenge", you've gotten your revenge. You are a great friend, a great Dear Abby when we need advice and just an overall great person. Look at all the great friends that you have ~ it's a reflection of the person that you are!!! And I love watching you play hockey =)

3dingsandadog said...

Sorry that you have had to go through that...

However, I must say those "friends" did you a favor... no need to waste energy on them... and they seem to have brought you a lot of insight of what true friends really are...and you seem to have many ;)

BTW...you couldn't pay me to relieve JR high or high school...

3dingsandadog said...

"relive" Oops! LOL